Incoherent
by Her Sweetness
Summary: Oneshot. Part two to Delirious, though I guess it COULD stand on it's own. Malik's POV. In which Malik finds out he's not stupid or crazy, simply beautiful.


**Disclaimer**: I own nothing. 

Her Sweetness: This is part two to Delirious. In which Malik finds out that he's not crazy or an idiot, just simply beautiful. Review afterwards, please!

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It's a shame. I'm still awake and have been for the past thirty minutes. You'd think after wondering around the neighborhood for a good hour, finding out things for the first time that your other half already knew about, and choking on a torn condom, I'd be asleep by now. But I'm not, I'm wide awake. And even at this ungodly hour of the early morning, I seem to be more coherent than I was an hour ago. Maybe the night has settled into me and is giving me a break. A break from being stupid.

If I try really hard right now, I can pretend to be smart.

I can figure this out. This… thing that my Yami refuses to tell me about. He's still outside, you know. I think he's still starring at the moon, but maybe he went for a walk just like me. Does he do that? Go out in the night with only his pajamas on and wonder around the city like a lost little puppy? Or maybe he goes out and robs people.

That sounds more like the other me that I know.

I did ask, you know. I asked him after I came inside what it was that I was beginning to figure out. I asked if maybe I was right and we are a fantasy? Or maybe I'm a little less coherent than I thought. I know that we're beautiful. I've always known that, but I guess I've never thought about it very much. It's a pretty simple thing… beauty. I know of nothing less complex. If you're beautiful, you know it. And I don't think I'm talking about outer or inner beauty. I get annoyed when people talk about the "inner beauty" in people. That's an excuse for ugliness. Inner beauty is an excuse for the ugliness of your outer self.

And "outer beauty"… like supermodels? That's not beauty. That's sex. And sex can be beautiful, sure, but that's not what I'm talking about. If you're beautiful on the outside, a lot of people will say you lack beauty on the inside. And I don't know if that's true or not, but "outer beauty"… sex, is not what beautiful really is. It can't be because it's complex. No, beauty is simple. If it doesn't come from the outside or the inside, there must be a place in the middle. A very simple core of yourself that can be beautiful. But not very many people are.

He is though. We all know that he is very beautiful and that's something simple. Simple is something that everyone knows, whether they like it or not, whether they agree or not, it's all irrelevant. He's beautiful. He has that simple core that shines and it brightens the inside and the outside. Which is why I think I'm beautiful. Because I'm his other half. And… if we're both two halves of one whole, that means we share a middle. That's what ties us together. Our simple beauty.

I closed my eyes and sighed. This isn't working. I'm going in circles and I have no idea what I'm talking about. Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe there is no simple beauty. And maybe there is no… _thing_ watching us. Maybe the moon just sits up there because of gravity. Or maybe it's sitting on something. Like some kind of invisible chair. And it sits up there to watch television.

Yup, I should be locked up. It's not safe for people to be out while I'm roaming around, free as a bird.

Okay, so maybe the moon isn't watching television. Maybe it's watching… us? But that's what I said before and we already concluded that it's not true. How can a rock watch people? Maybe it's not real… it's part of a fantasy. Our fantasy. And since it's part of our fantasy, it watches over us. The fantasies… the beautiful ones. Us. Me and him and the two we hate and… everyone beautiful. Ra, that's a short list.

How many people are actually beautiful? I could try to list them, but it may be mean to say who is beautiful and who is not. We are. So are the two we hate. (Remember, don't think, you know this.) My best friend and his other half. That boy that's even more idiotic than me… The one with black hair and green eyes… Oh, and the two rich boys. Sorry, three rich boys. Can't leave the green-haired one out. Are they the only beautiful ones? There are others, but they aren't as beautiful… They don't have that little glow. That simple beauty.

So they are the fantasies. And the rest of the world is ugly.

I sit up in the bed, blue covers fall down and settle around my waist. I sigh and scratch my head. Maybe he's right. Thinking is almost too much for me. I'm finding all this out and I'm beginning to think I can't handle it. In only three hours, my life has been turned upside down and I'm killing my brain cells with all this thinking. But no, this can't be my limit. I may be incoherent and delirious and… an idiot, but I'm a persistent idiot!

If I can't figure this out on my own, will I have to ask my other half? Would he even answer me? He didn't at first, because I guess he was caught up in the moon. Watching it while it watched him, a sort of starring contest. Wow, a starring contest with a rock. My other half certainly has an interesting life. … This is a secret… What I'm about to say is a secret.

Can you keep a secret?

Nod with me.

_Yes, I can keep a secret._

Shh…

Sometimes, when he and I are standing around, waiting for the bus or sitting at home, watching television… I wish desperately that we could switch places. That I could be the Darkness and he could be the idiotic Light. I would be a be a good Darkness. I would watch over and protect my Hikari all the time. But, I'm not being nice… He's a wonderful Yami… he watches over me the way no one has ever done before. And when we get into trouble or one of our plans backfire, he always gets us out. We may never be better off after we've dug a hole for ourselves, but we're always back were we started. And I guess, when you think about it, it's not all that bad. But there are other reasons I would like to be someone's Darkness. The moon for instance. It only comes out in the dark… when the sun is not around and came blame him for nothing.

Blinking, now, I smile. Aha! I've stumbled onto something else. If the moon is a fantasy and watches over the beautiful, then the sun must watch over the ugly. Light and Dark, sun and moon, ugly and beauty. It matches. Nothing can exist without it's opposite side, can it? I can't. He can't. The sun, the moon; they can't.

Oh, how smart I've become in a mere three hours of incoherence.

I'm on the verge of figuring out this entire mess I've walked into. And without the help of my other half. (Tee hee) This is good, I need to figure out something for myself for once. Even if its something as simple as the secrets of the universe, I need the satisfaction of doing something for myself. And this is it, I can feel it.

… What's that? Oh, the front door's opening and shutting. I can hear my other half come in. I hurried and snuggled under the covers, shutting my eyes and turned over. He must not know that I'm awake. He has to think I'm asleep or else he'll know I'm trying to figure this travesty out. And that might upset him, seeing as how he doesn't like me thinking. He always says, "You think about things too much." That's Yami-code for "Stop thinking. That's what I do."

Footsteps are in a pattern inside the bedroom. Maybe he's just going to sleep. Maybe he's just-

"Malik." He said and my spine makes a weird tingling. Does he think I'm awake? I am awake, but I don't want to- "Malik, I know you're awake, I can hear you thinking."

Aw! "… W-What is it..?" I mumbled, hoping he'll let me go back to what I was doing.

"I keep telling you to stop, but you don't listen to me. And now you see that I'm right, don't you? You feel like your head is supposed to explode from all this crap you're cramming yourself with, don't you?"

Dammit. Okay, I suppose I can't do this on my own. "Marik, I… I, well, you see the way it happened was-"

"I know the way it happened, you idiot! It always happens this way." He raked a hand through his hand and bit his lip. And now I can see it so much more clearly now. And I know I'm right… at least about the beauty thing. If nothing else, I'm sure that he's beautiful. "Okay, Hikari, I'm going to tell you something. And it's a onetime thing, so don't think I'm going to tell you every night. The Pharaoh and Bakura had to tell their Lights, but I was hoping I wouldn't have to explain this to… you."

And now I'm smiling brighter than I think I ever have. There was a secret? And I found out about it. I suppose that all the Hikaris have. That's what this is all about? Fantasy and reality and Darkness and Light and… just about everything I've been thinking about. I'm not crazy… It's true. We are beautiful and we are always parallel to the ugly-world. The real world. A place where people are awful and disgusting and unclean. It's a complex thing that he's explained to me. And it took a long time. With me asking questions and comparing what he said to what I was thinking earlier. So, the moon is a simple, beautiful fantasy. And the sun is complex, ugly and real. So, we can never rule the real world.

"Then why do we try?"

He looked at me for a moment, eyes focused on mine, "… Because it won't stay like that. Someday the sun and the moon will collide and ugly and beautiful will intertwine and you wont be beautiful anymore. Simplicity will die and the reality will loose it's complexity. Taking the place of beauty and creating something different. Something no longer beautiful, or ugly but creating an entirely new entity. Not Light or Dark but something along the lines of… a merger."

Not beautiful? That's a depressing thought. And not ugly either… This is all very confusing and I'm starting to wonder if my smartness is wearing off. But of course, it was never there. Just a figment of the late hour, my mind, and my light daze.

"… Thank you for telling me."

He smirked at me and left the room, muttering something that sounded a lot like, "Go to sleep, you idiot." It was a mean thing to say, but it was an affectionate insult. Sometimes I wonder if he ever thought I was beautiful, if he ever thought I had that simple light. I suddenly want to go ask him, but now that I know the truth, I'm tired. For the first time in hours, I'm tired and I can feel the haze rushing over me. I don't consider myself delusional or crazy anymore… My incoherence has faded for the time being and what I really am is…

Tired.


End file.
